Would you understand why that
missing comma, that missing period will always annoy me?
Would you understand heels
have always been my nightmare and how they will still continue to overrule my
convictions and make me want to get the hang of them?
Would you understand that I am
always going to need help with tearing open that packet irrespective of what it
contains – chocolates, ice-creams, ketchup, pens, gunpowder?
Would you understand that the
most vulnerable moment of mine is probably when I am holding onto that book as
if for dear life, stripped naked of all veils?
Would you understand that I
will always be a sucker for words, the written, the spoken, the command they
have over my very self, making me forget for a moment the side I am on, making
me pause involuntarily if only to admire the beauty they cloak their subject
in?
Would you understand if I told
you that I feel more secure when I leave my words within single quotes; that
double quotes have left me squirming of late?
Would you understand that
beneath all that show of being strong and probably over-confident lies a very
brittle self-confidence that has survived too many a storm of doubts of its
very existence?
Would you understand that past
all the fancy words and imageries is just a yearning to be held, petted, looked
in the eye defiantly and convey all there is to be said in pristine silence?
Would you understand that it
is not love that I seek, not even companionship, for they all bore me at some
point or the other, but the presence of your being that keeps fooling me into
believing that life will somehow seem complete in the truest sense?
Would you understand the
lonely streaks that I am bound to get into, the free falls, the maddening
jumps, the solo trips, the skinny dips and that ache to wander furthermore?
Would you understand that I
have tried and still this won’t stop, won’t just let me be?
Would you pause, even
if just for a moment, to just acknowledge that none of this is easy and it is a
full-fledged battle, against the senses, against time, against the conscious,
against my entire self every single time?
Would you, please?