Saturday, May 24, 2014

There is no circle

‘Being an artist means forever healing your own wounds and at the same time, endlessly exposing them.’ - Annette Messager.

There is no circle. Karma is something that we have been fed with for a long time now, and boy, does it feel good to think that those that have wronged us will get a rod shoved up their ass figuratively or literally. But it’s high time people started accepting that the concept is one of convenience. Mostly, life leaves you hanging by. A lot of people walk in and out at their will; some wounds are left gaping open. You just learn and gather your shit together to move on, because maybe time can numb it all down one day. One day when you finally accept that some closures never happen. And you just have to deal with it.

There is no right or wrong, but only perceptions. What is absolutely okay by me might seem completely atrocious to you, but I am sorry, we will have to just deal with things the way they are.  Nobody made either of us God, and if either of us thinks so, the one that does will only end up destroying the other. Live your life by your choices and ideas. I deserve to live by mine. And if this doesn’t sit good by you, let’s shake hands and go our separate ways right here.

There is no circle. Most of the people who seem to mean a lot to you right now might not be even in the periphery of your life five years down the lane, inclusive of those who drift away, those with whom rifts are created, and those who just develop a whole new life around them because such a situation arose.  No, it is not that you can treat people like shit, but understand that whatever you do, or might decide to do, you owe it more to yourself than those around you. Satisfying people has been registered in our heads as a noble deed, but growing up ought to teach that it was an overrated feeling. We owe our heads some peace before we owe anyone else anything.

There is no back button. For the better or the worse, if you made a step in either of those directions, just own up to it. Make conscious choices and decisions, for your sake more than anyone else’s. If it feels that doing something will make you happy, go right ahead and do it. You are not explainable to anyone but the voices in your head. If you are, they will eventually get to understanding; and if they disagree, read the previous sentence, because. But there really is no back button. You could try if you will, but it is and will remain to be a mangled reflection of what it used to be before you raised your doubts about it – might as well man up and accept it for what it is right now.

There is no circle. If age and wisdom had anything to with each other on a linear graph, one would know that the only way to go is that which the heart is yearning for, that which it is screaming at the self inside right now. If you let it subside for reasons that are labeled acceptable, responsible or deemed required, let this sink deep within: this scenario unraveling inside the head right this very moment, the wholeness it is sure to bring about, the meaning it is rendering to the broken mess – this is what is being given up on, irreversibly. None of us get any younger with every passing day. We all die eventually. The insides need to be in peace before the same can be offered to any other being.

There is no ‘good silence.’ Not to be confused with the subtle art of listening or the beautiful blessing that lets people connect on a different level. When something nags your head, speak the fuck up. Keeping the silence being too afraid to hurt someone talking, fearing the prospect of being judged, absolutely dreading rejection – really, not worth it.  You will go down with a million ‘what if’s plaguing your head. If it does screw up after speaking up, peace is granted to you at least in the knowledge that you did try.

There is no circle. It is pointless to beat oneself up thinking that whatever bad times that are tormenting you at the moment is because some bad Karma was accumulated in a time period that probably seems vague even to the memory. We are all only various combinations of fuck ups. Some of us are of the higher degree. Some fuck ups of others we can put up with, some we find unable to. Accept those that you can, let go of those that are difficult. And most of all, embrace all your fuck ups. If you’ve done it, own up to it, and let it be. That does not have to imply anything, know why? There. is. no. fucking. circle.

‘You will be shocked when you discover how easy it is in life to part ways with people forever. That’s why when you find someone you wanna keep around, you do something about it.’ - Ted Mosby, How I met your mother.

Peace out.