There is no circle

‘Being an artist means forever healing your own wounds and at the same time, endlessly exposing them.’ - Annette Messager.

There is no circle. Karma is something that we have been fed with for a long time now, and boy, does it feel good to think that those that have wronged us will get a rod shoved up their ass figuratively or literally. But it’s high time people started accepting that the concept is one of convenience. Mostly, life leaves you hanging by. A lot of people walk in and out at their will; some wounds are left gaping open. You just learn and gather your shit together to move on, because maybe time can numb it all down one day. One day when you finally accept that some closures never happen. And you just have to deal with it.

There is no right or wrong, but only perceptions. What is absolutely okay by me might seem completely atrocious to you, but I am sorry, we will have to just deal with things the way they are.  Nobody made either of us God, and if either of us thinks so, the one that does will only end up destroying the other. Live your life by your choices and ideas. I deserve to live by mine. And if this doesn’t sit good by you, let’s shake hands and go our separate ways right here.

There is no circle. Most of the people who seem to mean a lot to you right now might not be even in the periphery of your life five years down the lane, inclusive of those who drift away, those with whom rifts are created, and those who just develop a whole new life around them because such a situation arose.  No, it is not that you can treat people like shit, but understand that whatever you do, or might decide to do, you owe it more to yourself than those around you. Satisfying people has been registered in our heads as a noble deed, but growing up ought to teach that it was an overrated feeling. We owe our heads some peace before we owe anyone else anything.

There is no back button. For the better or the worse, if you made a step in either of those directions, just own up to it. Make conscious choices and decisions, for your sake more than anyone else’s. If it feels that doing something will make you happy, go right ahead and do it. You are not explainable to anyone but the voices in your head. If you are, they will eventually get to understanding; and if they disagree, read the previous sentence, because. But there really is no back button. You could try if you will, but it is and will remain to be a mangled reflection of what it used to be before you raised your doubts about it – might as well man up and accept it for what it is right now.

There is no circle. If age and wisdom had anything to with each other on a linear graph, one would know that the only way to go is that which the heart is yearning for, that which it is screaming at the self inside right now. If you let it subside for reasons that are labeled acceptable, responsible or deemed required, let this sink deep within: this scenario unraveling inside the head right this very moment, the wholeness it is sure to bring about, the meaning it is rendering to the broken mess – this is what is being given up on, irreversibly. None of us get any younger with every passing day. We all die eventually. The insides need to be in peace before the same can be offered to any other being.

There is no ‘good silence.’ Not to be confused with the subtle art of listening or the beautiful blessing that lets people connect on a different level. When something nags your head, speak the fuck up. Keeping the silence being too afraid to hurt someone talking, fearing the prospect of being judged, absolutely dreading rejection – really, not worth it.  You will go down with a million ‘what if’s plaguing your head. If it does screw up after speaking up, peace is granted to you at least in the knowledge that you did try.

There is no circle. It is pointless to beat oneself up thinking that whatever bad times that are tormenting you at the moment is because some bad Karma was accumulated in a time period that probably seems vague even to the memory. We are all only various combinations of fuck ups. Some of us are of the higher degree. Some fuck ups of others we can put up with, some we find unable to. Accept those that you can, let go of those that are difficult. And most of all, embrace all your fuck ups. If you’ve done it, own up to it, and let it be. That does not have to imply anything, know why? There. is. no. fucking. circle.

‘You will be shocked when you discover how easy it is in life to part ways with people forever. That’s why when you find someone you wanna keep around, you do something about it.’ - Ted Mosby, How I met your mother.

Peace out.

This is how much life is.

Grab a chocolate bar or a cup of hot coffee. Snuggle in your bed. Take a deep breath. Forget who you are. Forget what you have done till now. Now read.

Fall in love. Go mad. Fall out of it. Go madder. And fall in love again. Have your heart broken at least a couple of times. Lose hope. And see it renewed in the new person to whose magic your heart tugs you to sway to. Whether it is your neighbor, your school/college mate, a random stranger you’d met on the street, colleague, friend of a friend of a friend of a friend or even a friend you’d not had love interest in until that magical moment, just fall in love. Float in the air till it lasts. Love like you’ve loved none before.

Get laid. Know that losing your virginity is simply overrated and the pain might even seem pointless. And then get to know that there is much more to lovemaking than porn movies give away. Learn the sexiness in hugging and cuddling. Master the art of almost kissing. Get to know that nothing beats sleeping within breathing distance. Stay awake long enough to feel the rise and fall in breath. Hang on till the very puff of air gives you the tingling feeling. Resist touching. Let your senses rush. Now learn the magic that touching another’s skin holds. The pulsating feeling will rise until the actual act. Several times later, you’ll know that that is how far it gets; the rest is just a formality.

Travel. Move your bottom and slowly let yourself learn and soak in new cultures. Lose yourself in the history hidden in the roads and buildings there. Strike a conversation with a random stranger. Sleep on a blanket under the night sky. Huddle in a tent in the middle of nowhere. Alright. Somewhere. Take a boat ride. Hire a string quartet. Strike a carefree romantic encounter. Go on a trekking expedition you are not so sure you’d return alive from. Come back alive from the dead. Boast of completing at least three different daredevil adventure activities. Go skinny dipping. Know what it is to actually shiver and burn. Feel like you belong and shift bases again. Have at least a couple of movie moments in your life to reminisce about when your legs no longer give way.

Read. Rediscover yourself in paperbacks. Write a few if you can. Watch movies. Try making a few. Whether you succeed or fail, you find new ways to imagine. To think. To see. To live. To love. Click pictures. In or out of focus doesn’t matter as you will eventually realize. Even the blurred memories will keep you warm on that lonely, frosty day.

Make a friend or two. One of those types that’d be for the keeps. You could go chasing dimwits and this one’d still snigger and let you rant on about your ‘soul mate’ while patiently waiting for you to get your head knocked down and come scrambling home for a hug and a beer.

Forget the past. Forget the future. Forget ifs and buts and maybes and couldbes. Let go of whatever binds you, ties you down. Let go of fears and apprehensions. Let go of what you were, what you might be. The time is always now. What is real is just you, this feeling right inside your heart. Just shut everything else down and walk right ahead. At least you won’t have to regret losing an experience. There is no lifetime. Just a huge set of experiences.

If chance brings along a daughter or a son, be sure to pass your life as a fantasy to boldly embark on one day. 

This is honestly how much life is.